Mmm, lovely Pot Noodles. They truly are the best food ever, and anyone who disagrees is a fool! If I had my way I would eat them all day but unfortunately I am forced (yes, literally forced by the men in white coats) to eat other foods which are in no way as good as Pot Noodles. If you are like me and truly love Pot Noodles then you will be enraptured by the lovely pictures and other information on this beautiful page.

You thought it was simple didn't you? Just rip off the top and pour the hot water in. You fools. The process of making a Pot Noodle is one steeped in mystery.

Here is the proper way to prepare a Pot Noodle...

• 1. Do not open!
• 2. Crush slightly so that contents lie in bottom of pot.
• 3. Peel lid 3/4's of the way back, do not remove.
• 4. Remove the sachet of sauce, of course.
• 5. As rapidly as possible add boiling water to 1mm below the recommended fill level.
• 6. Do not stir yet.
• 7. Use the lid to cover the top (keeps it hot), and allow to stand for a full two minutes.
• 8. Stir very well with a top to bottom action, ensuring that any dry powder is fully wetted and suspended.
• 9. Re-cover and stand for another THREE minutes. By this stage the aroma from the Pot Noodle will be overpowering. Resist the urge to scoff it down now, your wait will be worthwhile.
• 10. Add the sauce and stir well, again a top to bottom action will achieve the best dispersion of sauce.

Your pot-noodle is now ready to enjoy, and if you have followed my instructions to the letter, it should be nice and sticky, not at all runny, and have soft-right-through noodles.

I have recently received a query regarding another pot-based snack food, namely Pot Mash. I cannot condone the eating of this culinary travesty as it is a crime against humanity and the creator of this heinous 'food' should be condemned to the fiery pits of hell for all eternity. That is all. DO NOT EAT POT MASH - THEY ARE EVIL!

Anyway, here is my guide to the best Pot Noodle flavours:

• Chicken and Mushroom
• Beef and Tomato
• Nice and Spicy
• Sweet and Sour
• Spicy Curry
• Spicy Tomato Salsa
• Chow Mein
• Bombay Bad Boy

These are an interesting variation on the Pot Noodle. They are best viewed as a sort of novelty snack because they are in no way as good as even a Tomato Salsa Pot Noodle. Pot Rice are dodgy because the rice gets stuck in your teeth and they are not as filling as Pot Noodles.

• Chicken Curry
• Chicken and Sweetcorn

News: There is a new variant of Pot Rice called Pot Curry! Check out the first review:

• Tikka Masala
• Balti
• Korma

News: Gadzooks! There is yet another new type of Pot Noodle: The Posh Noodle!

• Oriental Sweet and Sour
• Spicy Chilli
• Spicy Chinese Chicken

The other day I had some sort of bacon flavour Pot Noodle called "The Sizzler". It tasted like Frazzles.

I may review other pot-based snacks like Pasta Breaks and such. If you send them to me I definitely will! There is also the question of King Pot Noodles... Do they offer good value? Oh, and don't eat Pot Mash.

And finally, some messages from other Pot Noodle fans:

Hi there
I love Pot Noodles especially Chicken and Mushroom flavour. I am a resident of Ontario Canada but born in England. Ever since I moved here to Canada i am always on the look out for visiters from England to bring some with them. Thank you for your pictures!
Natalie

Have you got any leaflets on pot noodles. Posters anything free because i love pot noodle
andrew.peel at

hello
i'm phillippa lammas and i'm doing a study on your pot noodles for my AS home ecomics coursework. i was wondering if you could help me out and send any information and details about your pot noodles that i could use for my work
thanks for your time phillippa

super noodles would kick the soft, tasteless ass of pot noodles any day of the week in any given deathmatch situation. SUPER noodles, POT noodles. it don't take a genious to work out who's the king.

That last message was from a sad, deluded fool who we shall simply refer to as "Steve".